is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need to calm my uterus...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
