It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
