The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
