I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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