you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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