he puts the penis in happiness.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
