If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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