Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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