It's like a parade of train wrecks.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
