We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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