Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
