Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
