i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
