It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
