just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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