he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize