I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
