I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
