dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
