Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
