I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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