new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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