Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
