I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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