I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
handjob tips. give me some.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
