can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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