i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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