Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
