I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
