Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
