Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
