I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
