i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
