I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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