I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
