I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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