I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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