Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
