if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
