Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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