Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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