Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
