i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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