I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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