Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
