Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
