i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
