Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
