my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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