I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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