Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I skipped work to stalk him.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
